Summer breeze makes me feel fine… Blowing through the Jasmine in my mind
In a time when it’s said that work/life balance is no longer exists and has shifted to work/life integration; the concept of a “one life” makes wearing masks increasingly more difficult. I’m not talking about masking up for COVID 19, but more so the masks many have worn daily since the beginning of time pretending all is well in an effort to be a “motivational fit” and navigate the company culture in the midst of continuous trauma where your skin color is the weapon coupled with the exhaustion that comes from how just by entering a room your presence makes people uncomfortable.
2020 can kick rocks and we’re just at the halfway mark. Learning to work remotely while crisis schooling is a lot, but when you layer knowing nearly 30 people of whom have had a positive COVID 19 diagnosis of which 12 are dead makes these past 8 weeks feel like an eternity. Then when you add the trauma that comes with the fear of going for a jog, another unarmed Black person being viewed as a bigger threat than the armed protesters on the steps of capitol buildings inconvenienced that they haven’t been able to get a haircut, to the chilling familiarity of Amy Cooper that even your advanced degrees mean nothing when all that’s seen first is the color of your skin.
This past week was hard. Having to “mask up” in between conference calls putting on the face listening to how people have been getting back to normal traveling to places that are “open” and exchanging pancake recipes while my 13 year old in between virtual classes is asking (again) how to navigate in a world where his skin is viewed as the weapon with only moments to adjust my “mask” to log on to the next call having to perform. Please don’t get me wrong I wholeheartedly believe everyone has every right to exercise their individual rights, but I yearn for the day that Liberty & Justice for all rings true for everyone where any inequity is nonexistent.
There’s a lot of Amy Coopers in these Corporate Offices making hiring decisions, making annual review commentary, deciding on performance ratings, and offering names of who to promote or not. The dire gap of wealth and health outcomes between white people and people of color perpetuates one’s ability to dream. From the numbers of those I know personally directly impacted by COVID to the digital divide where many children in inner cities across America have received zero instruction in two months displays a tale of two quarantines of where I’ve found myself teetering between both worlds. All I/we want is an even playing field where the starting line is the same, but where do I see representation up the ranks beyond just the 1-2 that look like me? I want to mean it when I tell my son that he can be whatever he wants to be. I want the ability to dream again, but these nightmares I’m experiencing while wide awake makes it difficult.
To be Black in America is EXHAUSTING! While sheltering in place has shielded me from COVID-19 thus far (I’m counting my blessings on that) the mask I’m struggling with isn’t for that. So those few occurrences when I may have my camera off know it’s because my “mask” is soaking wet from the tears I can no longer fight back and I’m counting my being able to function and get through the meeting with you as the win…
FUN FACT: Summer is my favorite season, and I never thought I’d get so good at making Lemonade! Enjoy the glass you’ve made. Cheers to the #SummerBreeze!
Originally published on March 25, 2020 on LinkedIn
Cue Summer Breeze… The Isley Bros. version…
Summer breeze makes me feel fine… Blowing through the Jasmine in my mind
While we find ourselves in the midst of much ambiguity I choose to find the rainbow and am very much appreciating the gift of recalibration that has been given. On a Target run on Sunday my sister made the comment of how eerie it felt with the streets being dead. I quickly replied that this is actually how Sundays used (were meant) to be back in the day where businesses were closed, and people were with family for dinner after Church service. While I am not accustomed to being held hostage within the confines of stay-at-home orders I do trust the science, and yet agree that too much of anything is still too much.
So, when orders are lifted, and things can go back to what was once defined as “normal” I am hoping each of us is able to hold on to a little bit of the slow down and let the “rat race” never return! I watched a movie with my Mom and Dad last week, and I can’t tell you the last time my grown tail watched a movie with my parents. I have taken for granted the blessings of my “own space” navigating working remotely, virtual classrooms for my son, and my Grandparents’ TV programming as we’ve been squatting with them during the 9+ month renovation of a historic home. While there’s nothing like a good old fashioned gunfight showdown in the middle of a conference call I freaked out about them being part of the most vulnerable yet blessed to have this time with them. My son with his great-grandparents. I choose to find the rainbow.
All of us have been inconvenienced, but some are fighting for their life or have lost theirs (or a loved one). Some are watching their retirement plans dwindle, but many have lived in generational poverty where economic instability has BEEN a way of life. While some are hoarding toilet paper many have BEEN wondering where the next meal for their child(ren) would come from long before COVID 19. May this experience bring us back to humility and reintroduce us to empathy. Oh, but by Grace there go I. I choose to find the rainbow.
What’s on your list of what you’ve been meaning to get around to? Writing my first #SummerBreeze article for LinkedIn was mine. In the midst of the madness, I choose to find the rainbow. What is your rainbow? I accept this recalibration and I am appreciating the slowdown! I am hoping we can carry some of this forward, (re)create some barriers to protect our space of the work/life integration, and not let the “Rat Race” NEVER return!
~Jasmine M. Johnson
FUN FACT: Summer is my favorite season, and I never thought I’d get so good of making Lemonade! Enjoy the glass you’ve made. Cheers to the #SummerBreeze!
So many types of Love to choose from, where do we start?
We sometimes feel empty and unfulfilled, but there is a splendor and fullness when we open ourselves up to experience multiple types of love. Perhaps we feel unsatisfied with our love life because we’re putting so much into our romantic relationships that we’ve neglected ourselves, family, friendships and God. Could it be we are looking for Love in all the wrong places? I believe we must start within to look for love. Love is beyond the outward and what you can see physically. How can you receive from someone else what you don’t understand, respect, value and know how to care for?
Hey “Me”
If you have not experienced self-love, this is a good time to step back and find you and love yourself. If you don’t really know and understand what it is to love yourself, you will never truly appreciate the Gift Called “Me”. It takes spending intimate time with self, praying, and reaching deep down within to discover what is needed, to love and fully understand how to be loved. Loving yourself requires loving without condition, expecting the best, making the necessary sacrifices, not keeping score of all your shortcomings, mistakes and failed attempts of hopes and dreams. You keep going, dust yourself off, forgive, seek and embrace the lesson. You trust that our Creator did not make a mistake when you were created.
Hey “Friend”
Now that I have experienced self-love it has helped me eliminate conflicts, created room for me to see others without being judgmental and/or controlling. Understand, my friend how much you mean to me. You have made an impact on my life and I will never forget you. I’m willing to sacrifice and take the efforts that are required to help and be accountable to you. To stop loving you would require me to stop loving part of myself. Through the time, distance, circumstances, and busyness of life be confident that the memories are as strong as yesterday. You are in my thoughts and heart. Your presence in my life has had such an incredible influence, that because of you, I’m “Me”.
Hey “Sweetheart”
When I married you over 36 years ago, I couldn’t imagine the possibilities of sharing and enjoying multiple types of Love with you. From the Lust yep I’m still infatuated, the Friendship, the Passion is “Real” as is my Commitment. I love how over time we have learned how to be patient, endure, embrace each other’s flaws, see and bring the best out of each other. We have experienced many Seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter on this journey together. I’ve learned to let go of the fantasies to make room for creating our realities filled with wonder and joy. Thank God we learned if it doesn’t fit don’t force it… It’s not my call to change or recreate you. I will continue to answer the call to love, support, embrace and encourage you to continue to grow into the best “You”. As the years continue, day by day, I will strive to love you in many ways. By Grace may you always be able to experience these three Eros, Philia and Agape Love through me.
Hey “God”
Lord you are the only Love I want to change for. Here I am, shape and mold me into a beautiful form of Art. You know “Me” better than I know myself, every detail. I love you because not only did you love me first, but you know how to love me completely without trial and error. Your love has always been unfailing. I love, adore and reverence you. Every day you show me, agape love, in so many ways. You are so good to me. Thank you for your unwavering and everlasting love. You are the 1st I want to say good morning and the last to say goodnight to. Thank you for Jeremiah 29:11. Your Love is Alpha and Omega, that endless that gives me a daily dose of unspeakable Joy.
I ended with the beginning in mind. Without the understanding of God’s Love and the marvelous creation of you, you will not have the foundation to build a healthy relationship with yourself. You need God for the understanding and capacity to love yourself which equips you with the ability to build, restore and maintain healthy relationships with others. We all give and receive love differently. What types of love have you experienced and what types are you looking forward to adding and giving. It’s pretty powerful to have the capacity to operate in the overflow and give love and expect nothing in return, don’t you think?
It would always warm my heart to hear my Mom respond to the little ones in the family as they started to coo, in their attempt to have a conversation. My Mom would laugh and affectionately say “What are you trying to say to me? I don’t speak Japtalian.” It would be so funny to watch them interact. Think about it, the more you talk and respond to the little ones the more they babble. They either become extremely joyful or extremely frustrated if their needs are not being met.
Actually, you can witness them within seconds going from one extreme to the other. Isn’t this true with any relationship if the communicator doesn’t feel understood? As a parent or caregiver, you begin to understand more and more after each exchange of what they are attempting to communicate.
My experience is you can love someone really, really, really hard and it can go unnoticed, creating feelings of rejection, unwanted and unappreciated. The truth is that you are not speaking their language. If your language is English or Spanish and someone talks to you in Portuguese, how would that work for you?
I’m married to my 1st grade friend and for many years we found ourselves not fully understanding and communicating with each other. I couldn’t understand the tension and why I didn’t feel the romance in our marriage. Why did he not get me or understand my wants and desires? Was the Honeymoon just a passing memory? Honestly, I really thought will I ever experience the Honeymoon I dreamed about? He would often say to me in a tone “Just give me the Script”.
I was frustrated, taking super long baths asking Calgon to take me away. Wondering what’s wrong with me, fantasizing about walks in the Park. I’m pretty sure Hallmark today was created and written from my long Calgon Baths. He was in the next room confused wondering how much more can he do for me. It’s never enough as I continued to be unsatisfied and perhaps unappreciative. Thinking what’s wrong with her, can’t she see I’m trying to get this house painted and she expects me to blow off the day by walking in a Park? He’s a Godly Man breaking generational curses… Faithful, working hard providing an amazing lifestyle for his wife, a home, travel, car (Porsche), let’s just say everything but the dog because I didn’t want one. We had Fish lol.
Thank God for The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
This book opened our eyes and hearts to understanding the disconnection, outlining the five ways to express and experience love through the “Love Languages”.
Chapman describes those five love languages as:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Just like we communicate in our literal language, we have a tendency to communicate in our personal love language. You see we weren’t speaking the same love language. I was speaking Quality Time and my husband was speaking Acts of Service, serving and taking care of me.
If any of your relationships (spouse, child, parent, friend) are challenged, there may not be anything wrong other than the differences in your ways of communicating and expressing love. You might just be speaking a love language that they don’t fully understand, and they’re speaking a love language that you need to learn. Learn how to speak each other’s love languages, being loved in the way that you understand and appreciate is important. This eliminates tension, confusion and missed communication, giving the opportunity to experience the true expression of Love.
The chart provided below offers examples and recommendations for each love language.
Note: this post is not endorsed by or affiliated with Dr. Gary Chapman or the 5 Love Languages book in any way, although I do recommend you add this book to your personal library.
We spend every moment of our lives with ourselves. More time than we will ever spend with anyone else. How often if at all, do we affirm, encourage, and nurture, the relationship with ourselves?
We take care of the needs of everyone else around us without paying enough attention to our own needs, accomplishments, and feelings. But nothing is more important than building a positive relationship with oneself. This creates a Healthier and Happier Life… reducing stress, improving our mood and outlook. Allowing us to pour more effectively into the lives of others we care about.
Take time to enjoy this coming Valentine’s Day appreciating yourself the Valentine Gift Called “Me”. Here are some Quotes to serve as a little reminder of how important it is to love yourself first.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
– Oscar Wilde
“To love yourself is to understand you don’t need to be perfect to be good.”
– Anonymous
“When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.”
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
– Anonymous
“When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.” – Diane Von Furstenberg
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
– Maya Angelou
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
“Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends.”
Happy Valentine’s Day Gorgeous, I love celebrating you. Wishing the sweetest day to my forever Valentine. You are so special, and I would like to spoil you. I hope you feel how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you. Allow me to make this a Valentine to remember. You give me a reason to look forward to each day, making this life an awesome adventure. I love you for the joy, harmony, discipline, and transparency you bring, making life so Christal Clear.
I love waking up to you each morning. As I start my day whether it’s gazing in the mirror or stepping on the scale, it is you that cancel the negative criticism. Affirming that every gray or lost hair is a banner of wisdom as I grow and age with grace. While I scan my naked body, you remind me of the beauty of life that came from this lovely creation of art. Then you whisper so lovely and gently the subtle reminders of actions needed today for a more healthier & fit ‘Me”, as we drop these unwanted pounds.
I close my eyes at night with peace and a smile on my face, as I reminisce through all the seasons, we been through (wonderful and stormy). I thank God for this Gift Called “Me”. You’re the reason I am who I am today. You are the stability that keeps me grounded. Thank you for standing with me through thick and thin. Happy Valentine’s Day to “Me” the Woman of my Dreams.
